Well, what a wonderful day... school was superb, went to the first 2 classes and did nothing, then went to the senior assembly, which wasn't too bad, actually a lot better than any other assembly that i actually went to... then went to the the barbeque dealy thing and had some grub and played a bit of ultimate frisbee... and then i walked home and slept for about 5 hours (being sporadicly interrupted by numerous persons) and went to the civic tour concert baby.... much to explain, but no nrg to do it... it was good that was it.... If we help each other out along the way Then maybe everything will be okay Who decides if you'll succeed? Who decides those things you want and need? Looking back on all those years All the smiles all the tears I never want those memories to fade What we have done what we can do We search our whole life for the truth For always and always and always I know sometimes we'll disagree But no one here can absolutely see We're all just learning as we go There's some things in the world we just don't know .: Thought :. My friends are influences in my life, what kind of influence am i to them? We should do more things out of our way to make people happy. I bet that there are many who'd go across the states for you... so why not go out of the way for them? Why do i keep ending in a question? Why am i asking myself? Is this a game? Are you asking me? Why do you think its a game? Do you want to play the question game?

yay.... i don't know, i like being random.... things are different, but what can you do but to conform to reality.... i think that things have been alright lately... i put people in awkward situations without meaning to, and i really dont mean to... i make myself feel stupid by putting myself in stupid situations that require karalee to take some additional time to take me places... thanks, i know it has to annoy you no matter how much you tell me that its no problem... thanks again, i appreciate it... its been so hot lately.. i dont think i can handle it too much... its just waaay to hot... hot hot hot oven oven oven, burning my hands on other things besides fire, and i dont think thats supposed to happen... I need to write todd, i think i'll do that at school 2morrow... i need to put on some pants I'd like to visit california and lake havasu with karalee i'd like to go back to chicago with bobbo and whoever else would like to go i'd like to get my car fixed i'd like to get soem new shorts so i dont burn up anymore i'd like to know what i really want from myself and how to get it i'd like to know what others expect of me and why they expect it of me i need to study more i need to prepare i need to go to my ward i need to try and repair broken links in my family i need to take a shower i'd like to get something to drink i'd like a donkey i need a turtle... not really, i'd just want one to say i have one.. i'd like to meet someone.. but i could be fine without meeting someone i'd like to cut my hair, but i dont know what to do with it i need to break the cycle of this dang acne crap... i'm breakin out.... maybe the stress is catching up to me... or maybe the heat i'd like to grow roses i'd like to make people happy i need attention i need to be myself what i need to be...... fun trustworthy honorable entertaining reliable caring loving

If I told you... If I told you I loved you, would you push me away? Or would you let me fall into your arms, where, forever, I would stay? If I told you I needed you, would you feel the same? Could you let me need you everyday, forever and eternally? If I told you I hated you, would you believe the words I say? Would you turn your back on me and leave me alone to pray? If I told you I was crying, would you be right by my side, to put your arms around my shoulders until the feelings pass me by? If I told you everything, could you still feel the same? Now that you know exactly who I am, would you still be mine to claim? just another thingy... its kinda cool collectin these little deals.. anyway, i'm gettin over myself now.. i'm a lot better now that i shrunk somethin down that was so big in my head... someone should've just been crappy and said, get over it... but i worked it all out... its nice knowing that someone cares enough to know whats goin on and work it through with you... thanks....... .: Thought :. If i weren't me... who would i be? What would you see in this figure that i call me?

if if i told you that this is killing me, would you stop? if i flipped out and ran away, would you follow? if i screamed as loud as i could, would you respond? if i decided to give up would you push me to keep trying? if i tried to hurt myself again, would you stop me? if i blatantly said that i wanted to die, would you make me bite my tongue? if i cried all the tears i have inside, would they ever stop? if i told you that you're killing me, would you stop?

Seven things you fear: 1. being alone 2. people 3. clowns 4. rejection 5. myself 6. betrayal 7. never finding love Seven things that make you laugh: 1. ...funny things? 2. who's line is it anyway? 3. bad accents 4. people getting beat up 5. blonde moments 6. my life 7. terrible jokes Seven people that make you laugh: 1. todd 2. karalee 3. bill 4. christina 5. scott 6. kristine 7. kimball Seven things you love: 1. being with friends 2. spooning 3. surprises 4. people showing up unexpectedly at my window 5. having fun 6. being asian 7. god Seven people you love (excluding parents/family and yourself) 1. karalee 2. todd 3. ashley (love-ed? j/k) 4. kimball 5. pam 6. diana 7. jen Seven things you hate: 1. people 2. rejection 3. heights 4. lies 5. fake people 6. being so dependant 7. being alone Seven things you don't understand: 1. my mom 2. time 3. god 4. why we have body odors 5. people 6. my life 7. why i'm not happy Seven things on your desk: 1. stars 2. cough syrup 3. cds 4. a full beer bottle 5. jones bottles 6. tv 7. razor blade Right now you are: 1. burning a cd 2. taking this quiz 3. staying awake 4. hating my life 5. being bored 6. wanting to kick my cat 7. thinking of new ways to torture myself Seven facts about you: 1. i love unwritten law 2. i love good charlotte 3. i'm asian 4. I slit my arm open with a stick 5. I hurt myself a lot 6. I have brain damage 7. i live a doleful life Seven things you plan to do before you die: 1. go to chicago 2. find love and happiness 3. serve a worthy mission 4. kill the man who invented bobble heads 5. get buff 6. live next to todd 7. reunite my family under good terms Seven things you can do: 1. cry 2. play guitar 3. feel like crap 4. be natural 5. drive 6. spend money 7. make people feel crappy Seven things you can't do: 1. end world unger 2. let go of the past 3. touch my nose with my tongue 4. be satisfied with what i have 5. find a girlfriend 6. sit still 7. make people happy Top 7 songs people should give a listen. 1. goldfinger- counting the days 2. the get up kids- worst idea 3. dmb- satellite 4. collective soul- the world i know 5. good charlotte- seasons 6. nfg- hit or miss 7. sr71- right now Seven movies you watch all the time/Seven favorite movies: 1. rush hour 1&2 2. zoolander 3. so i married an axe murderer 4. tommy boy 5. emperors new groove 6. big trouble in little china 7. keeping the faith Top 7 things you say the most: 1. what the freak 2. funky butt loving 3. dude 4. awesome 5. holy crap 6. i'm gonna shoot him/her/it 7. throw some bows

Caught in this endless trap You neglect to see All of the aspiration Built up inside of me I want to express myself And say what's on my mind You're that perfect person And that's so hard to find Something's burning inside of me, obsession, depression Why won't she fall for me, obsession, depression All I wanted was to be with you I can't believe it's true Obsession, Obsession, depression Obsession, depression Killing my mind You won't give me a chance You just say leave it be I want to get in your pants Is all you think and see You've got a new guy now What am I supposed to do I guess I'm fucked, 'Cause I've been played by you Something's burning inside of me, obsession, depression Why won't she fall for me, obsession, depression All I wanted was to be with you I can't believe it's true ~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~ Shut down Fallin over once again Dropped out Hand extended for a friend Looked up And there's you lookin in And who cares Cause no ones lookin anyway Impaired My vision lost to yesterday And that's fine Don't mind feelin that way ~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~~=~=~ Feelin it.... feelin it

i can't say too much about this past week... right now, i feel entirely replaced by everyone that i thought was close.. maybe i should just move on. but something tells me not to.. maybe its just because i can't... things are awkward, like a square distorted to look like a triangle.. i'm just not good enough for anyone, no matter what people have said.. do i care? hell, if anything i should stop caring right now... maybe i'm just not in the "in" crowd... they're just funnier or sweeter or some other quality that i wish i could pull out of my ass to impress people with... and its not like i can be like others and totally act to impress someone, i have no show to put forth.. if i had one, i'd be using it and wouldn't be who i am... .: Thought :. Being transparent, its something i'm really used to now... Being led to think that someone's there, i'm also used to now... Understanding why? not so much there yet...

Up All Night Can we talk about automatic satisfaction Sittin' back relaxin' floored What's wrong with kickin it When you're bored and lit Lets smoke some cigarettes And catch up on the back porch Fire up another roach And we don't need a rest this is just a test Cuzwe're alright, we're up all night To see the sun come up again now Just one more time no reason why To see the sun come up again. The more we try to change The more we stay the same We're caught up in the game and now Just like empty picture frames So now were to blame Said we were gettin down, on Genesee and Felton Smelled another mountain now If you aint gettin down, you'll come around And were alright, we're up all night To see the sun come up again now Just one more time, no reason why To see the sun come up again. So lets smoke some cigarettes And catch up on the back porch Fire up another roach And we don't need a rest, it's just a test And as the world spins we'll watch it with a grin And look in as the day begins Well now it's on again, it's dawn again. Yeah! Yeah! And we're alright We're up all night To see the sun come up again now Just one more time, no reason why To see the sun come up again Yeah we're alright, Yeah we're alright Yeah we're alright, up all night Yeah we're alright, yeah we're alright To see the sun come up again now! Unwritten Law .: Thought :. Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule.

I ask my Wisdom to Temper my Ego So it will not Interfere with my Actions I dont know... lately i haven't been wanting to type about anything.. soo many feelings... emotions, actions all flying around at once... I still don't understand... don't get it, can't get the jist of it.. people must be so strong just to be able to let things go and have whatever not bother them again... so many things i can't let go of... its supererogatory and well past haunting.... i'd probably go insane if i didn't have karalee around.... i always told myself that its no big deal, i'd forget about it, stuff like that just to psyc me out and junk... sure, it works for the next 2 days or so, then i'm reminded of it all the time....i just can't get away.... well, sometimes i can... only with certain people.... .: Thought :. Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion In family and in friends alike...

"Four things come not back: the spoken word, the sped arrow, the past life and the neglected opportunity." -Proverb

"Early in the morning, I will celebrate the light. When I stumble in the darkness, I will call Your name by night."

Through The Floor Bathed in sunlight woke from dreams of murderous intention Pursued by dogs and men and things I`m just too scared to mention And the first thing that I think of are her sympathetic eyes That see with only positive emotion And she talks of being grumpy, but I know that grumpy`s not her style And I soak up all her beauty `cause I`m only here awhile And I muddle through my docket, nestle in the pocket Just sit back and think about the world And the only thing I see when she`s looking back at me Is the promise of how life could be And as I wrote my chest got tight for her I know that I`m not right for her and I couldn`t live if I ever caused her pain But at least I have a message that I can leave that tells her of this spin inside My gears turning, I`m still learning to trust myself But at least I`ve told her of this difficult good-bye Seven minutes before I`m leaving and now my chest is heaving I just can`t go like I did before And tomorrow I`ll be miles away and dreaming That she hears my voice floating through the floor By Edwin McCain

"Life is only as good as the memories we make." "And when this hourglass has filtered out its final grain of sand, I'll raise my glass to the memories we've shared" The Ataris, "So Long, Astoria" I was bored so i got another Ataris cd... i already had an oldie... Looking forward to Failure, which only had 6 songs... and now i got their newer one.. So long astoria.... .: Thought :. I could care less... there was nothin there for me.

Crazy Go Nuts- Strong Bad

(stupid piece of crap, i tried posting this around like..... 9... ugh..) I have to say that i get the most reverent feeling right after i read.. i could say that the time after which you read is the one of the most peaceful and thoughtful times... i picked up my guitar and started playing... found a chord that sounds most beautiful to me, used it along with many others which i dont know the names of and quite frankly don't care about, and put together something that i found most mind calming for myself and maybe others. at this point, i don't really feel like doing anything but sit around... and i'm definitely alright with this... I could've gone out with karalee, ashley, bill, scott and maybe others for a free meal, but i don't have any regrets.... i feel kinda tranquil...

well....(there is that word again)... i just got done with my day's worth of scripture reading yay... .: Song :. Colors- The reggae song

well.... i like starting off with well... it makes my life sound a whole lot more crappy or interesting, one of those, than it really is... um.. today was pretty normal, except the little things that aggravated the living hell out of me.. went to church, that was fun, went to youth conference committee... then found bill and brooke at the fireside and had them take me home... i was well into my long awaited date with my guitar when i decided that i wanted to make some fried rice... so i called up my mom and had her kinda help me out, in the middle of our little chat, she actually brought up my car and wondered if it was going alright and what i was doing with it.. i told her that i've changed my mind about what i was going to do with it and she said alright, what are you really going to do with it right now... and i told her that i was saving money for it to get fixed, she said how much do you need? i said that i would probably only need 600 bucks just to get it fixed and running and then a couple more for the transmission.. then i told her that it'll probably be easier if i just get my engine swapped out and what not, so she said ok, thats cool, anything that you can save i'll meet that... (that sounds exactly what my brother has always tried to make her say to me when it comes to any sense of money.... "just ask her to meet the same amout you save") so well, i'm on my way to having a reliable, not to mention fast (although i really honestly don't care anymore) car...oh yea, bill had a blowout on the 215, so i stole my dads car to go get him, i didnt even feel like asking (i knew the answer would be no, no matter what) so i just took it and drove to go find the kid... i got to his car and his tire was in shreds... mustve been kinda scary having a blowout.. it was on the front right wheel so it affected his steering... well he came over after that and i finished cooking my fried rice and we just talked, from everything from how much we can really like girls (and not care a single bit), cars, music, and church to other people, vitamins and a little rat called aj.. we think he's a rat... but i really dont know, i just hear things.... not like this isn't normal.. its kinda fun talkin with him... and now i'm waiting for karalee to call back.... hmm There was a story told to me at church today... some may have heard it... although i don't remember the names... it went a little something like this (nutshell version) a man was at a golf tournament type deal and had just finished his game... he knew that he had probably misrecorded an error on the score card but still ended up with the exact same score as if he didn't make a mistake. He told the official that his score card was incorrect, knowing that he would get disqualified even though he ended up with the same score.. Well, he got disqualified.. point is that he knew that he could've got away with it even though it wouldn't have benefitted him or anyone else, but he didn't and was honest with himself.. .: Thought :. Being honest in yourself and choosing the right shows your integrity and purity... Even if it doesn't benefit you or others, you should always be true to yourself and do the right things.. .: Music :. Goldfinger- Carry on

Well, i'm here... haven't been here for a while... not like i or anyone cares... i dont know what to say... my mind has been so jumpy lately that i can't even think of what kind of plate to use when i eat... i guess i'm supposed to go see xmen2 tonight... right now, i could really care less if i actually go and see it tonight... i'm not really in the mood to go see it with a huge ace group (only 10 or so)...i'm not even sure if i'm really in the mood to just hang out... or even just chill with karalee... and i can't pinpoint why.. and i have really got to get going on my scripture reading.... its already the 3rd and i haven't gotten to where i'm supposed to be... Things aren't the way they were before. You wouldn't even recognize me anymore. Not that you knew me back then But it all comes back to me in the end. too much.. just too much. .: Quote :. From my brother: Sometimes God places people in your life, and you know for some reason not to let that person go, and then when that person is the farthest away from you, you realize that that's the person you want closest to you... (as referring to somone special, which i don't really know about)