Temple!

Well, today was quite interesting. I've been really depressed. Ha. It's like I'm emo or something. I'm feeling more and more antisocial as time goes on. Too many things going on in my head. A bit of confrontation, awkwardness and a load of other junk. Eliminating it all is a lot harder than I thought. Well, at least I finally can pinpoint love. What a pain.

Was at the temple for a while today. catching up on some scripture reading. Looked up a couple talks and stuff. it was pretty chill, really relaxing. pondered lots on forgiving myself, and reallocating my energy. There were some good things I learned today both at church and at the temple. A story was told of a man and God.

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might.

This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing it with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Noticing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the adversary decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man’s weary mind. “You have been pushing against this rock for a long time, and it hasn’t budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it.” Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These troubling thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. “Why kill myself over this?” I’ll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough.

And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his thoughts to the Lord. “Lord” he said, “I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even been able to budge that rock. What is wrong? Why am I failing?”

The Lord responded compassionately, “My friend, When I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?”

“Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven’t moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock.”

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is simple obedience and Faith in Him…

I was told to love with all my heart. I was never told that she was going to love me back. I know that with all the Lord is able to see my efforts. I know I can't love on my own, and that I really do need His help to master the love that I need and am trying to develop. Perhaps once I get myself to the point where I can love freely again, the Lord will help me find one who does love me back. I know he will if I have that faith and am obedient.